Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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