just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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