It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
