dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
