well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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