He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You are a genius and a whore.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
