Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
