my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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