Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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