May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
