Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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