hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My Sexting was not on an AP level
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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