My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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