just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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