I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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