dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
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Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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