honey bunches of taint.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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