Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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