I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
