My Higher Power is John Stamos
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
