Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
