I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
