Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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