I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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