Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I want a musical about memes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
