Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
