i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
