You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
