I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize