Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
