if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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