When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
