So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
