2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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