I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
