Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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