She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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