Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We don't watch enough power rangers
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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