You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
