I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
There's even glitter on my cock...
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