I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
