I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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