bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
