We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
