i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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