i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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