I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
