you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
