I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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