We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Drunk is a universal language darling
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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