xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
