I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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