I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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