i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
