yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
