it's like iHOP with fire
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
