the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
