You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
