mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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