i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
operation harelip BJ is a go
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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