I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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