I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
