well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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