i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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