people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
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Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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